The struggle is REAL my friends.
This week has been an absolute emotional rollercoaster.
From the lows of arguing with a significant other, to the highs of self actualization & recognizing where I am on my journey, back to the lows of packing up a significant others things, back to the highs of a great church sermon.
Life ebbs and flows. It has peaks and it has valleys. It is always moving, change is always constant.
Because this week has been so challenging for me, I have reached into different mediums to learn how to deal with this fear and anxiety in new ways.
I checked in with my beachbody team for our weekly Wednesday night calls.
This may seem silly or trivial to you, but when I am feeling the overwhelming grip of loneliness, it’s nice to remember I have a community I can lean on.
I didn’t feel like sharing that night, I felt it was more powerful for me to listen and absorb what was offered and pick up little nuggets of wisdom that were meant for me.
There were a few things that were business related but for some reason they struck a different chord with me.
“Wouldn’t you rather be successful, than quit?”
“Share your passion, be authentic, be real, be YOU.”
“Shitty days happen.”
“There is always a silver lining to the negative.”
“Are you doing the work?”
“FIND THE TIME IF YOU WANT IT.”
I have worked too hard to fall back into the person I was before. I have spent too many nights praying and wishing for a sign and a change, only to have it placed before me. I am walking the path toward being the greatest I can be, why – OH WHY – would I want to stop now?
Then I watched an AMAZING TED Talk that was sent to me by my dear friend, Ebony.
“Why we all need to practice emotional first aid” — Guy Winch
It’s amazing to me how we connect through people in this life and there are days we are vibrating at such a frequency that we attract exactly what we need.
She had no idea that this TED talk was exactly what I needed to hear, but here she was – sharing with me anyway.
Loneliness, Failure, Rejection, Rumination — Battling Negative Thinking
I wont get too into the details of the talk, I’ll simply post the link here and let you listen for yourself:
The next step I did was a FaceTime date with my friend, Megan.
Megan and I have such a wonderful connection. We can be loving as well as critical and I know/she knows that the only thing we want for one another is to succeed and be HAPPY.
We discussed how she had been meditating and tapping into this wonderful energy and attracting new things around her. We discussed a new book she’s reading, “Jesus for the Non-Religious” and how it’s opened her mind to a new way of seeing things.
We discussed our mutual love of Gabrielle Bernstein and how her book, “The Universe Has Your Back” is absolutely incredible.
We discussed how I was struggling with my self-esteem, self-confidence, and was falling behind on all the progress I had done.
We discussed how, our favorite author/speaker, Gabrielle Bernstein, has a YOUTUBE CHANNEL! <– WHAAAAAAT.
After 2 hours and lots of wine, we shut down the night with lots of “i love you, girl!” and the promise of another FaceTime date soon.
The next day, I explored what else Gabrielle Bernstein had to offer me, other than her amazing audiobooks.
I participated in a 2 hours workshop on “The Art of Manifesting.” It started at 9pm. I must have been crazy. 9-11pm. ON A WEEKNIGHT!? WHAAAAT.
I’m sure most of you have heard this quote, but i’ll reiterate for those who have not.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
I took more notes than I know what to do with. 5-6 pages to be exact. I won’t share them all, but I will touch on the key points that gave me those beautiful “Ah-Haaa.” moments.
True success is not measured by money or a career or the things you have. True success is living moment to moment in clear joy. By living in joy, your visions become reality. The presence that blocks this joy, is called, Resistance.
She hit 5 key points during this workshop
- Witness Your Resistance
- Reach for Higher Thoughts
- Ask for What you Want
- Give off the Right Signal
- Receive & Allow
I participated in the ENTIRE 2 hours. More than that. I was absolutely upset when it was over. I wanted more!
At the end of the workshop, we participated in a kundalini meditation on manifesting.
(Since then, I have done more research on kundalini and highly suggest you learn more before practicing it yourself. Seriously, though.)
Something happened that night. Something within my control, but also – not.
As I lied down into bed for the night (it’s now almost midnight, wtf.) my heart was racing. I had difficulty forming complete thoughts, but my heart was on fire. It was as if I had chugged those 32oz redbull italian sodas I love so much, and then attempted to go to sleep.
I had awakened something.
I then agreed to go to church with my friend BillieMarie.
This is going to sound… odd, but I’ll share anyway.
BillieMarie was one of the first girls I started following/friended on Facebook after becoming a beachbody coach. She had amazing brows and a killer smile. She seemed to have this beautiful energy around here that I wanted to tap into.
We have followed each other on Facebook for about 8-9 months now without every actually meeting in person.
She reached out to me – unknowing the current journey I was on — and invited me to come to church with her this Sunday.
So, I said yes.
Which I NEVER do. Why would I say yes to an almost complete stranger? Especially when I have not been to church in months and my spirit has been struggling to heal. (aka = I like to hide from people and places that make me feel good and wallow in self-pity. It’s obviously so helpful.)
Today’s sermon was on Friendship & Soulmates.
Seriously – universe? Could you be screaming my name ANY louder?
The pastor spoke of the difference between friends and brothers. How we choose our friends based off of a share likeness of things and each other. While our brothers (family) — well, we’re family, we don’t have to like each other — but we always come to our aid when needed.
He described friendship as souls that have been knit together. How you need someone in your corner who supports you no matter what and doesn’t ask to understand why.
He described those who would use you. How we DO have a choice, of who we open our hearts and souls to. That we DO have a choice.
He spoke of how to handle rejection — when people only want to use you or hurt you.
How these people encourage you to lose respect for yourself, so you are never able to reach your true destiny.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LET THAT REJECTION IN – YOU JUST DON’T.
Remember that there is a guard by your heart and soul for a reason. That people say hurtful things out of broken-ness. That relationships break because of rejection.
THEN. THEN. THEEEEEEEENNNNNN.
I heard this today, when I got home.
“Universe, take this from me and look upon it, judging for me. Teach me how not to make it an obstacle to peace. I choose to reinterpret my fears with a new perspective.”
Alright. I hear you Universe, God,
Until next time,