Ending a Decade

30.

It’s right there.

Less than 5 months away.

When people ask me how old I am, I already tell them. 30.

What did 30 look like to me when I was 20?

So old. So far away. So much to do before then.

I figured I would be married, settled down, maybe a kid or two.

I figured I would either be a stay at home mom or have some swanky career.

I would’ve married up. By “up” I mean – I would’ve been with someone who was so far out of my league I worked everyday to make sure I could be worthy of that.

I didn’t have a location set in my head.

I didn’t know if I would still be in Seattle, or Austin. Hell – maybe I’d be outside the States – I didn’t have a clue where I would be, physically.

It was all so far away.

Well, now it’s not so far away.

It’s basically tomorrow.

Not really, but you get my point.

The last 2-3 weeks have been monumental for me.

I told you how I was focusing on changing my perspective from fear-based to love-based.

It has changed everything.

I have attempted to channel my thinking into one of abundance. Where I believe I have everything I need. Where money is a tool I use and not something to be wasted. Where things flow to me, and from me.

I know, it sounds bogus. But just give me the satisfaction of hearing me out.

Since I started practicing this new perspective, I feel an overwhelming sense of “being taken care of.”

Where I release things that are not in my control and allow the universe to dictate and guide my spirit.

I received a check in the mail from recology cleanscapes (the garbage company) for $100.(This check had been sitting on my mom’s counter for over a MONTH.)

I received a check from the dealership I purchased my car at for $40. (In no way did I think or believe I would be receiving money back from the taxes/licensing fees. My friend, who bought a car 2 days before mine – ended up OWING more in taxes and licensing, which led me to believe I would too.)

I received a bonus with Purina in an undisclosed amount – but more than I was expecting since I only work on Sundays.

I received my tax return, EARLY.

I received one of the largest paychecks I have ever received from my full-time position with the veterinary hospital.

I acquired 2 new clients in my pet healthcare business.

I met a wonderful person who has opened my eyes to new possibilities.

I purposefully choose not to let romantic relationships dictate my desires any longer.

I received a phone call about a new adventure I may have the privilege of participating in.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM!

As I sit here, pondering about the BIG decisions I will hopefully have to make in the next month, I can only be grateful for the doors that have opened to me due to my new perspective.

I was challenged to write a letter to myself, keep it in an area that I would see it every day, maybe even multiple times per day. This letter reminds me to accept love. To choose love over fear. To allow my intuition to guide me and quit over analyzing and over thinking everything.

To breathe, to be.

I have spent more nights alone in the last 2-3 weeks that I have my entire life.

When I first moved into my 830sq ft, 1bd/1ba apartment – I had dreams of parties and decorations. Planning girls nights with cocktails and face masks. Exploring new relationships and mostly — just learning how to be alone.

But, that wasn’t the case. I, instead, decided to have someone tag along for the ride. I invited an old relationship to be rekindled in a new environment, hoping for the best.

Alas, it did not work out.

After 7-8yrs of on-again, off-again – we came to the conclusion that we just can’t. Our love languages are completely different. We can’t find a way to openly communicate in a healthy way without hurting the other person. It was amicable. I will forever love him, he is my hero – but it is simply, not meant to be.

So now here I am, all by myself.

Best friends, moving away. Learning to love a city I have spent years of my life in and never truly explored by myself. Learning to accept things for what they are, what they can be, and what they will be.

I struggle to be alone. I have never had to spend time with myself. It forces me to out of my comfort zone.

The world is beyond my comfort zone.

New opportunities are beyond my comfort zone.

A new life – is just a step away – a step OUT, of my comfort zone.

Wish me luck on this new adventure.

 

Until next time,

Xo-Jack

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