There is no other choice

Here comes the word vomit. Hold on to your seats!

By now, if you’ve been following my blog, you saw in my last post that I parted ways from my former employer. If you didn’t read it – you should, I shared a really amazing story that a co-worker shared with me that is INCREDIBLE. So do your soul a favor, go read it!

This last week has been EXHAUSTING.

Why is it, there’s something about stress and anxiety that absolutely sucks all the light and energy out of you?

I’ve been pouring over the internet, filling out form after form, updating and customizing resumes & cover letters, scheduling and participating in meetings with the local community college… it’s been NON-STOP.

Since I parted ways with my former employer I have applied to FOURTY different jobs. Seriously. 4-0.

Want to know how many call backs/interviews I’ve had?

2.

I’m sure a lot of my applications are still under review, so I’m honestly not concerned about the lack of response… but there is this this undeniable little voice keeping me awake at night.

It’s the, “You failed. You thought you could support yourself. You thought you had life figured out, at least for the time being, but you failed. And now look at you. You don’t even have a reason to wake up or get out of bed other than your DOG. You suck.”

It’s such a vortex, this ruminating spiral that sucks my self confidence and self esteem and spits out ugly, self-hatred.

I know there are a LOT of people out there who have it worse than I do.

I was smart, I saved my money.

I am a social butterfly, I have networked my ass off and because of that have incredible referrals.

I have my own business as a pet healthcare advisor.

I have a part-time job working as a nutrition consultant with Purina.

It could be SO much worse.

But honestly, I could’ve come home and just given up.

Thrown in the towel.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who would’ve done that.

But I’m also extremely prideful and I would never, EVER, let someone have the satisfaction that they destroyed me.

Because, duh – they haven’t.

I am bright and resilient.

I am like a kitty – I ALWAYS land on my feet.

What else have I been doing?

I’ve seen this as an opportunity to grow and expand in more ways than one.

I have decided I should take the knowledge I acquired working in vet med and apply it to nursing school.

Yep – back to school.

That means:

-requesting official transcript from 10 years ago (turns out I wasn’t the best student at 18… ugh)

-contacting MULTIPLE people at the financial aid office for grant opportunities, financial aid opportunities, scholarships, etc.

-attending mandatory orientations for the nursing program.

-calling former GPs to obtain vaccine records. Contacting clinics about TB testing, vaccine schedules, etc.

-HIV/AIDS testing, CPR certification, state/federal background checks.

-researching prerequisites and learning how to pay for them.

What ELSE have I done this week?

-Contacted state programs about financial aid/financial assistance.

-Scheduled meetings with new pet healthcare clients.

-Fulfilled existing contracts with pet healthcare clients.

-Complained to friends and my mom about how the FUCK am I supposed to do all of this?

 

I don’t have to. I don’t have to do it all. I could give up. But I’ve always seen the silver lining to adversity.

My life has been far from uneventful. Lord knows I’ve experienced a lot in my short time here on earth. But the ONE THING I can ALWAYS count on for me to continue to say to myself, time & time again.

“You must keep going. There is no other choice.”

So here I am.

Trying to figure out how I’m going to go back to school, at 30, and hopefully walk away with a degree – with as little debt as possible (especially considering I’m STILL paying off student loans from 10yrs ago — where I only went to school for ONE YEAR).

Beyond grateful for my friends and mom who have supported me and pushed me to do the hard stuff. Reminding me that strength comes from within – it’s how we handle the hard shit that makes us a better human being.

Networking is the most important skill you will ever learn. Whether it’s in-person or through social media. Through co-workers or friends. You should ALWAYS make a lasting (good) impression on everyone you meet. You never know when you’ll need to reach out to those you’ve networked with.

I’ll continue to update you while I’m on this crazy, tumultuous journey. So stay tuned, folks!

 

Until next time,

xo-Jack

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