It’s okay to be stubborn

In my last post I discussed how I was employing a life coach, Markie & a therapist, Karen, to help me work through a few things.

One thing I’m learning in these AHH-MAZING sessions is that:

  1. I’m not as crazy as I thought I was.
  2. I love talking to new people.
  3. I’m apparently really good at judging people based off of their appearance/brief summary.
  4. I don’t like paying for friends.

I just got off a call with Markie tonight, this marks our 3rd session together and I can already feel this great bond/connection forming. After some brief google stalking I found out she’s the same age as me – which surprised me as much as it didn’t.

I’ll admit it, I’ll admit it. I judge books based on their cover.

The thing that appealed to me most about her was her brown hair and glasses. She looked like she could be my cousin. I saw her and said, “Oh! I pick her. She looks like someone I’d want to be friends with!” And… lo and behold, our professional “friendship” formed. (And I’m paying for it.)

I spilled my guts out to her in our first session (while holding some things back), in our second — I dug a little deeper. Today, we came full circle discussing the last few sessions and reviewing some “homework” she had assigned me.

I love homework. It makes me feel like I am taking an active role in my mental health and learning how to have a more positive and constructive relationship (not only with myself, but others as well).

She had me create a “Thought Record,” where I describe an event, which was then followed by a thought, a feeling, and an action.

You may be wondering why she assigned this specific piece of “homework” to me.

Well… I asked for it, kinda.

You see, one of the things I’ve been trying to work on is recognizing emotions/feelings and how I respond to them.

Like I’ve said previously — It’s VERY easy for me to get carried away. I often over stay my welcome OR drink too much on dates OR become inappropriately vulnerable while meeting new people. This exercise is supposedly allowing me to visually see the break down between events/thoughts/feelings and actions. I had only 4 days between our chat Wednesday up until today to put together some things as they came along and I discovered that I put more emphasis on the negative things that happened to me. Majority of which proceeded to secure the same emotions, “helpless, frustrated, discouraged.”

Uhh… WTF?!

My events were very basic, but they triggered something in me which is why I decided to explore it further.

  1. My mom’s doctor appointment, which turned into an ultrasound, and then a mammogram… and then THREE radiologists being puzzled and basically just saying, “hmm… we don’t know. Let’s monitor for now.”
  2. A scary, confrontational, vulnerable discussion with a guy I’ve been dating. He’s moving on Friday and it stirs up all these strange feelings for me.
  3. A confrontational, emotionally-charged conversation with my best friend that followed the discussion I had with the guy I’m dating — which triggered more emotions for me.
  4. Being forgotten about — or the plans being forgotten about. That sucked.
  5. Watching my friend and her ex interact in the presence of a man she’s currently dating in a completely inappropriate way. Her ex proceeded to get fucking hammered and embarrass the shit out of himself, while she took it upon herself to be his caretaker (WHY!?).
  6. Waking up late today. FML. I hate being rushed. I hate being late. I just hate sleeping through my alarm in general. It makes me FEEL… stupid and inadequate.

So there you have it – my list of events from 7/6-7/9. Ta-freaking-Da.

The majority of these events made me uncomfortable in some way or another. Whether it was feeling helpless regarding my mom’s diagnoses, or feeling heartbroken over a guy I happen to really like who is moving. They made me uncomfortable. I hate being uncomfortable. It’s gross. Ew.

The conversation/experience I had with my therapist was slightly different. She didn’t send me home with homework, but she did ask me to dress more comfortably next time I came in.

You see, she specializes in a practice called yoga psychotherapy. Which, for those who know me, speaks to my soul. Yoga = soul mate workout. Combined with the benefits of therapy? Oh yes. Bring. It. On, Baby! Let’s DO THIS!

It’s amazing how much you can cover in an hour with someone you just meet who knows just the right questions to ask to keep you talking (A common thing I’ve noticed with Markie AND Karen is that I hate saying goodbye, I want to keep talking, at the end of our sessions I have this incredible rush of endorphins and just can’t stop smiling. It’s like leaving the best first date, EVER. I LOVE IT!). We covered topics ranging from my parents divorce, my relationship with my dad (we BRIEFLY touched on the one with my mom), my work history and getting fired from my clinic, my relationship with Mark & the few I’ve dated since then, as well as what I want for my future. What my future looks like and how I plan on getting there/achieving my goals.

I felt so uplifted and inspired afterwards that the hour + drive home didn’t irritate me as much as normal. I felt like I was finally starting to build a support team who could help walk me through the next few days, weeks, months, or even years.

Everyone I meet… there’s some strange connection that draws me to them. For example: Markie — she looks like me, someone I would be friends with. So I picked her. Don’t regret it for a minute. Karen — I didn’t know it at the time, but during our session she told me I share the same birthday as her husband AND she has had the same issues with her relationship with her dad, as I have. She didn’t elaborate, because she’s a professional, but it’s nice to find these connections with people who I feel are easier to relate to. I’m sure it makes their job a little easier too.

I am stubborn.

Ask anyone who knows me and you will hear that’s one of the first adjectives they use when describing me (along with: loyal, compassionate, domesticated, and strong… but who’s counting <3).

I always looked at this word, Stubborn, as being a negative trait, until recently.

Stubborn doesn’t have to be bad.

Stubborn can actually be good.

It means that I don’t give up. It means I go after and fight for what I want. What is right (at least, to me). It keeps me grounded. It keeps me in check. It reminds me of my purpose and is a driving force when I want to give up.

All too often I believe that calling someone “stubborn” is used as a negative descriptor, when in all actuality, it should be viewed as something positive/negative = aka: both sides of the spectrum.

Sure, we can be stubborn about bad things… but we can also be stubborn about good things.

Knowing the difference is the hard part. I honestly believe that comes with age, experience, and maturity… something I’m collecting everyday.

Having humility to listen to advice and the respect to reflect on it.

Reflection is key. If someone is willing to share their advice with you, listen. It’s coming from a good place, people don’t share/give advice from a negative heart — remember that.

YOU DO NOT have to do what they tell you to do though.

I repeat, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO.

You are perfectly capable of making your own decisions.

At the end of your life, it’s just you in that lonely grave, or urn, or however you wish to be disposed of. And you will have to be happy and content with yourself, the person you created, not them — keep that in mind when making your life’s decisions — YOU deserve to be happy, and sometimes that means not doing exactly what everyone else is telling you to do.

(Also — a lot of people will give you conflicting advice, which is really just confusing. I highly recommend seeking outside counsel when appropriate! But that’s just my experience, you certainly don’t have to listen to me. I mean, shit, I’m a whiny 29-yr old who is just starting to get her shit together… WTF do I know.)

Anyway, the wine has started to go to my head and I believe it is time for some Netflix and Chill — with my dog, and cat, and in my underwear. YAAAASSSSS.

 

Until next time, my dear followers.

xo-Jack

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One thought on “It’s okay to be stubborn

  1. When you said you pick people because of something that draws you to them. When I found the councelor I go to I called the insurance company to find one that was covered my insurance and they gave me a couple names I said It’s lois that is who it’s going to be. the best and I still go to her. Lois was my aunts name that passed of cancer. She half raised me. I remember as a kid haveing panic attacks to the point where i had to breath into a paper bags. Reading your stories sometimes makes me feel that way, bringing that stuff to the surface.
    Take care.
    Sharon

    Liked by 1 person

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